Teens, churches, families redefine courting scene

ATLANTA (BP)—Whenever love is in the air, many youth these days are saying “not so fast.”

In sexual abstinence programs such as True Love Waits and books such as I Kissed Dating Goodbye, the rules continue to change—for the better—for many youth as they explore relationships with the opposite sex.

And waiting for marriage is not just for teens. Even some single adults already in the workforce are embracing chastity as the new norm that defines their dating code.

Churches have incorporated a variety of approaches into their ministries to help their youth remain sexually pure until their wedding day. Many of those approaches have gained traction in the secular world. For the past several years, teens have accounted for nearly one million pregnancies, most of them unplanned. And, according to a story in The Wall Street Journal last fall, taxpayers have been paying as much as $20 billion annually to financially support families started by girls 17 years old and younger.

When the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy set a goal in 1996 to reduce the teen pregnancy rate by one-third in 2005, proponents acknowledged it was a formidable challenge. But that goal was reached in November when the Atlanta-based Centers for Disease Control reported that the birth rate among girls between the ages of 10 and 14 had fallen to its lowest level in nearly 60 years.

Thus, abstinence has gained credibility as a valid method of birth control. Many youth ministers have been at the forefront of that movement, teaching that God requires holiness of believers and sexual purity is an important part of an unmarried Christian’s daily walk.

While some teach the True Love Waits approach pioneered by LifeWay Christian Resources (www.lifeway.com/tlw), others have blended the material with newer offerings and still others have written their own curricula.

Bill Hughes, youth minister at First Baptist Church of Tifton, Ga., has written material for LifeWay that serves as companion pieces to the TLW curriculum. His two booklets—“Living Pure Inside Out” and “Souled Out”—provide added content that teaches teens how to remain pure through spiritual discipline.

“From my perspective, I felt that some teens were focusing more on the emotional appeal of signing a pledge card in February (the traditional month when TLW is stressed in coordination with Valentine’s Day) but did not have the spiritual foundation to help them remain pure the other 11 months of the year.

“I just wanted to help those teens find that spiritual strength to help them deal with the temptations and peer pressure that they face throughout the year,” he said.

Hughes’ approach also includes a pact between teens and their parents and includes a place on the pledge card where parents commit to support their son or daughter on their quest to remain pure.

Teens agree that parental support is an important part of keeping the pledge. Morgan Bradley, a junior at Winder-Barrow County High School in Winder, Ga., says it meant a lot to her when her father placed the True Love Waits ring on her finger during a ring ceremony.

“It really meant a lot to me for my parents to be involved at that level,” the member of First Baptist Church of Winder said.

Kristie Smith, who teaches ninth grade at Crist County High School in Cordele, Ga., and her fiance, Brent Willis, remain still true to their pledge as single adults. The couple—who have never kissed each other—plan to wed June 11.

Their commitment is part of a trend among some youth and adults to abstain from any kind of physical intimacy until they are married.

“I dated some while in high school, but it was during a summer camp experience when I felt led of God not to kiss until I got married. The camp speaker gave his testimony about why he felt it was important, and I agreed with what he said.”

Her fiancé, who serves as family minister with emphasis on youth at First Baptist Church of Acree, Ga., had a similar conviction after he felt called into full-time ministry. While he didn’t have as perfect a track record as Kristie, he has not kissed anyone since that calling.

“When I surrendered to the ministry I discovered there were others who had made a similar commitment, so I felt that calling was reinforced by my peers. They didn’t make a big deal out of it, it was just something they felt led to do,” he explained.

The Joshua Harris book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, which has sold more than 800,000 copies, has helped fuel the movement, as has the Web site, www.joshharris.com. “It’s not that I’m against kissing,” he emphasizes, “but it needs to be kept in its rightful place, in its right perspective. Sex is great when used as God intended and that is the message I want to communicate to my youth.

“The old saying is absolutely true—good things do come to those who wait.”