May 30: Being Friends

Wiley Richards is a retired professor of theology and philosophy at The Baptist College of Florida in Graceville.

The dictionary definition of friend does not do much for me. A friend can be “a person whom one knows well and is fond of,” or even an “intimate associate.” The definition lacks heart. It lacks interaction. In a survey of what a friend is, someone described a friend as one who comes in when the whole world goes out. One Native American tribe, not having the word friend in its vocabulary, says a friend is “one-who-carries-my-sorrows-on-his-back.” That description just about says it, but we can add some additional insights.

• We can describe a friend as someone who, whether needed or not, is always there (Prov. 17:17; 18:24). In a mobile society, siblings are not always available on a daily basis. They may live in another town or state. In times of difficulty (adversity), they may travel great distances to help out, but ministering times may be short because of circumstances.

Friends, however, are readily available because we can make new friends wherever we are. In the words of a little rhyme: “I went out to find a friend, but could not find one there. I went out to be a friend, and friends were everywhere.” When difficult times arise we find out who our friends are as well as how helpful a sibling can be. This is the probable meaning of “a brother is born for adversity” (v. 17b).

• Also, friends are in a position to provide tough love (27:5- 6, 9-10, 17). As the saying goes, if you want to know who your friends are, just make a mistake. In the biblical admonition, secret admirers do not show themselves when the object of their esteem stumbles and falls emotionally or morally. Open rebuke in that case is better than hidden love (v. 5). Friends are able to let us know when we err.

A few years ago we used the Johari Window in developing relationships. The idea was that a stranger may know things about me that I don’t know about myself. For example, I may have a bread crumb on my cheek or a glob of gravy on my tie. A friend can be trusted to save me from embarrassment whereas an “enemy” gloats at my mistake (v. 6). For those moments, a friend across the room is better than a distant brother (v. 10). Social contacts sharpen our relational skills (v. 17).

• At other times we can depend on a friend for wise counsel (Phil. 4:1-3). Paul dealt with a tension between two dear fellow laborers by calling on other church leaders to intervene. He deeply loved the church at Philippi. He called them beloved and longed to see them. They were a present joy and a down payment for a crown in glory (v. 1). Nevertheless, the fellowship had been shattered. Had the tension between Euodias and Syntyche been morally or doctrinally based, Paul could have dealt with it as he did with the moral lapse in the Corinthian Church (1 Cor. 5:1-5). We know nothing about Clement, but he must have been a church leader. On him and others rested the responsibility of healing the breach in the fellowship.

• Friends also can be counted on to help meet material needs (vv. 10, 14-16). The church at Philippi had dispatched Epaphoditus to Paul with an offering to ease some of his physical discomfort (2:25). Their investment in his ministry continued to forge an unbreakable bond of love between them and him. He realized they would have been even more generous had circumstances been more favorable (v. 10). Most of us who struggled through college and seminary can verify the joy of an unexpected letter with a love offering which was sent by a Sunday School class. Friends help in whatever way they can.