May 23: Improving Sibling Relationships

Wiley Richards is a retired professor of theology and philosophy at The Baptist College of Florida in Graceville.

Children living under the same roof are bound to have squabbles. They argue over everything from who wears what clothes to who gets the last piece of candy. The problems are intensified when they are in the back seat of a car. How tragic when those childhood disagreements separate siblings long after they are out of the house and make their ways in life. The strained relationship between Jacob and Esau illustrates the point. What can be done to heal family rifts?

• The first is to guard your attitude (27:41). Esau had two just causes for his bitterness against his younger brother. The first was the selling of his birthright to Jacob (25:30-34). Esau bore part of the blame in selling his rights of the firstborn for a bowl of soup. It is doubtful he really was at the point of death from starvation. However, in the second, he was victimized by a scheming mother, Rebekah, who conspired with Jacob to take advantage of Isaac’s poor eyesight and gullibility to have Jacob receive the father’s blessing. Esau, however, erred in threatening to kill his brother as soon as Isaac died. Esau guessed wrong about his father’s death because Isaac lived another 40 years. Nevertheless, his murderous anger forced Jacob to flee to Haran, the ancestral home of Abraham.

• In the second principle for healing a family division, someone has to take the initiative (32:3-5). After Jacob made the difficult decision to leave Haran for the return to Canaan, he and his horde of people and animals endured the long march around the Arabian Desert. Esau also awaited him. Would he still harbor revengeful rage? Jacob decided to test him. He dispatched messengers to the country of Edom to reach out to Esau. He carefully instructed them to make known his peaceful intentions. He merely wanted sufficient land to accommodate him, his people, and herds.

The report concerning Esau must have stricken Jacob with fear. Esau responded to the contact by Jacob’s messengers by gathering 400 men to meet his brother (v. 6).

• Jacob’s precarious position forced him to trust God to intervene (vv. 9-11). The Lord had not left him without guidance after tensions between Jacob and Laban had reached the breaking point. God spoke to Jacob in a dream. He identified Himself as the One who spoke to him at Bethel about 20 years earlier (31:13) and informed him it was time to return to the land of his kindred. His wives agreed.

On the way, two groups of angels appeared to him along the way, undoubtedly as a reminder of God’s sufficiency in the time of danger. Jacob called them “God’s host,” that is, God’s armies. With the prospect of imminent danger posed by Esau’s 400 men, Jacob called on God and recounted the vision in which God commanded him to return to his kindred (32:9). After praising God for His mercies (v. 10), Jacob laid his fears before the Lord and then claimed the terms of the covenant with Abraham to enlarge the number of his descendants “as the sand of the sea.”

• In the prospect of confrontation, one must show genuine contrition (33:1-5). Jacob divided his family into two groups for protection, and then bowed seven times before Esau as an indication of confession for his poor treatment of Esau and as an act of submission. Esau was equal to the occasion. In true oriental fashion, he warmly embraced Jacob with a welcoming kiss.

• Jacob’s next act displayed the sincerity of his actions (vv. 10-11). He assured Esau of God’s material blessings and his willingness to share them with him. At Jacob’s urging, Esau received the gifts.